Wouldn’t it be a beautiful life to be more cat than dog? A dog is everyone’s favourite, sure, but a dog is a doormat.
A cat, as you well know, marches to the beat of her own drum and also insists that you march to her beat. My cat just puked on the carpet despite my picking her up twice and moving her to a tile floor for easier clean up. She just turned and went back to the carpet because that’s where she wanted to puke. And now my cat is lazing back and forth in front of this screen making it impossible to see what I’m doing because she wants me to pet her. And I am. I am petting her even as she drives me crazy. It’s a cat’s world and we’re all just living in it.
What if today I make myself a cat, and lie my inconvenient ass down right on top of the keyboard because I feel like it? What if today I say no to anything that doesn’t suit me, prioritize the things I need, and give none of it a second thought? What if I let myself be “full of myself”?
In the past week the moment I was most full of myself, or self-full, was on stage performing on Friday night. A joyful energy shot through me so strongly that I was shaking from the soundcheck right through our performance, then the next day I was on a huge high. I was so self-full that I was unstoppable. And it hurt no one. There wasn’t a single person whose experience was negatively affected by me being fully my self.
I spent Saturday floating on a cloud. I felt so good and so energized, I buzzed through the dishes and groceries, got in a walk and a good stretch, made a beautiful dinner, and felt calm and happy. Sunday my mood and energy crashed. I was critical of my people, I was a bit touch-phobic, I was self-centred and ego-driven. I got annoyed by the praise of another extremely deserving person. I got too into myself. This is a tricky thing; it catches me by surprise when it happens and it is a good reminder that I hate the way it feels to be led by ego.
It is easy to enjoy compliments and being treated like you are special. And we are all special, we all deserve to be treated as such, but the ego is all too close to the surface sometimes. I want to act according to what feeds my soul, not what makes me feel self-important. That is what being self-full means to me. Just the tiny taste of edgy, snarly me, with that ego clawing up to the surface, was enough to remind me how different it feels to listen to my soul versus my ego. No thank you to that crotchety ego beast.
Today I teach a ton of kids, about fifty in total; the perfect antidote to ego and the perfect mood re-balancer. Kids will shine their energy on you so hard without even trying. They fill you up so full, but only if you are also shining your energy back at them. If I’m in my own head or too into myself it doesn’t work. Also, being into yourself in a room full of young children is hilarious, because they are not into you at all. They don’t care who you are or what you think you’ve done that deserves accolades. They care what you are doing with them right here and now, how it makes them feel and whether or not they enjoy their time. That’s it, that’s all.
So in just a few hours I’m going out into the world, into that swirling ball of child energy, with a focus on being self-full. I am looking for the things that allow my soul to expand and fill me up, which leaves no room, actually, for ego to take over. I’m going out to have a good day, unapologetically and joyfully, perhaps with a little cat-like sass.
How ‘bout you?
xo
Shannon
Upcoming Shows (Shannon and Jakeb)
March 29 - SOFAR Sounds Toronto (secret location) - tickets coming soon
April 20 - Earth Month show with Katie Hoogendam and Whitney O’Hearn. More details to come!
Featured Song - Saint and the Thief
I forgot about this song, and was reminded of it this week when trying to prepare a set list for an upcoming show. Saint and the Thief is my unintentional Western-movie soundtrack theme song. If you’re making a Western, hit me up!
Listen here.
Thanks for sharing your self awareness with us! This perspective is a great reminder. I loved reading this and the cat analogy.